I had such a horrible moment in the library yesterday. I was with two of my friends, guys on my course, but they started talking about all these different things while they were (supposed to be) filling out scholarship forms. They talked about all these smart people and people with jobs and getting jobs and all the experience these people have had. It wasn’t chat I hadn’t heard before, but I suddenly felt really panicked and I wanted to cry. I felt like I was never going to be able to live to be as clever as any of those people and if I couldn’t then I didn’t see the point. I’m stupidly competitive it makes me crazy sometimes.
Also I made sarcastic comments about couples all the time but I wasn’t really aware of it. Looking back though, seems kinda weird and awkward. I probably sounded really bitter ugh idk.
Oh my gosh why am I sad, I just had a lovely day out!
I gotta say though before I head to bed and hope the internet works in the morning, I felt almost really powerful walking home in my shorts and boots and leather jacket.
I’m so excited to be going to see Love Rosie (possibly on my own but I’m also excited to go to cinema for the first time on my own!) next week and I’m excited to see my friend this Saturday even if it means being a terrible person with no dedication to their new job that they have yet to do a shift for and for the ceilidh this Saturday. But I still feel kind of disappointed. I know it was bad that some part of me expected to me some person that I’d just kind of fall in love with and become best friends with and maybe something more, but I couldn’t help it. I tried to keep it out, but ever since I’ve been single, it’s been hanging around.
do you ever read old conversations you had with someone and realize how much more they used to be interested you and it makes you feel like complete shit because everything is different now and you can tell you’ve just lost that shine that got their attention in the first place
Felt so weird going out after midnight. Felt like my rebellious days of sneaking out.
Also he has Mr. Tickle pyjamas and he watched Angelina Ballerina as a child but he’s also been to military school and he’s super organised and neat and he’s just the sort of person I’d love as a friend. Which is apparently what we are. What I’m hoping we are.